The Toenail GONE!

For the last couple of years I have dealt with this annoying toe nail on my left foot! I realize that this might not be the most uplifting or encouraging note but seeing as I'm writing about my journey through life- 3 hours post nail removal I believe this is a major point in my journey!

First of all I made sure my feet were washed and cleaned up really good because when I got to
the doctors office the shoes and socks came off and front and center stage! I was in a nice comfortable chair with the big surgical light beaming down on my ugly, gross toenail. This has been a plan of mine for over a year now to have this silly thing removed so I can then wear my sandals with out having to try to camouflage my toe! Three doctors and a nurse came in to tend to my toe, I wasn't sure if they where there for moral support or if they were going to have to hold me down! Fortunately they were a couple that was just observing!

Being in the medical field I'm acutely aware of my surroundings in a doctors office- the key is not to let them know. Once I saw the Lidocaine appear my soul rested just a little better! The doctor explained everything that was going to happen and things that might happen and then I signed my life away in case those "might things" might happen! They gave me the option to either continue to sit up or lay down; I chose the sitting 1/2 up! The 1 1/2 inch needle started pricking around my great toe and the 'stick' all of sudden became burns that faded into numbness. [ I really think I need something like that for my hunger pains! ] Several minutes later inventory was taken of the numbness of my toe by taking the needle and sticking all over the toe and watching for my reaction! Finally they took a tourniquet (actually a rubber band but tourniquet sounds more medical!) and wrapped around the base of my toe to finish numbing the toe and holding the meds in place so while they pulled, tugged and pinched it would continue to be numb!

There is a sharp distinction between pain and pressure- it something that you need to come to know if you are going to be having something ripped off your body! Just remember; pain not good, pressure tolerable! ha! It was comforting to feel my toe being pulled on without pain. The manipulation of the toe and foot wasn't bad. I didn't feel the ripping off of the toenail so much as just the since of something being tugged on. After few moments curiosity got that best of me so I sat up and started watching. It wasn't too bad. They had accomplished getting the majority of the toenail lose but it was stuck on the inside lower part of the nail. The doc had the toenail held with Kelly Forceps (pliers) and trying to flip it back and forth. Very little blood but enough to cause the red blush to the toe and nail being hanked around! Finally the doctor with the kelly's asked the staff doctor to suggest the next move. So they took the kelly's and twisted the toenail as you would a nail and hammer to force a nail out of a board using the end of my toe as the leverage! Presto- it popped loose! The sounds of amazement came from the staff doctors mouth as if he had just been enlightened was almost amuzing- but it was my toenail he was being amuzed by! He had never seen a nail grow so deeply back under the skin! Great- a backward growing toenail and it's on my foot- or should I say 'was' on my foot!

All in all a pretty cool procedure that maybe took 30 minutes with all the talking of explanation of procedure, politics, old times, war, and many other topics! After twenty layers of gauze going on the toe, I was off- with one less toenail to clip; I wonder if I will get a discount on my next pedicure? hmmm...... we'll see!

A Gift- ME?!

This morning I had breakfast with some men after our weekly men's group. The discussions are usually of a theological flavor.

A friend that I value was saying that he was going to be facilating a home group concerning our spiritual gifts. He was concerned about speaking about it because of the uncertainity of his own giftedness; although he had taken many surveys and discussions with other Christian men.

Another friend spoke to his concern by saying that he may help him if he looked at himself as a gift, a gift from God. A gift is something, by definition, given to you with out anything expectation of anything return. When God drew us to Him and we accepted Him as our Saviour, Christ was God's gift to us. As we live our lives being centered on Christ, it will only be natural for us to give of ourselves to others in the most natural way. The way we give of ourselves maybe manifested in many differents ways but always according to whom Christ developed us to be. As the example of the potter and the clay, we are constantly being molded into the person of Christ. As we allow that molding to happen the more life will be meaningful, fullfilling and Christlike. WOW- what a ah-ha moment!

It only makes sense as we grow in our relationship with Christ that we start thinking more like Christ and with the Holy Spirit leading us He will use the unique talents that He has given to us to give to others.

My Journey......... slowgo. That's the name of my blog site here. Today I was given an insight to better my journey. It is benchmark for me to understand that my life is a gift to others because of the price that Christ paid for it. I'm God's gift to others, to tell them of the miraclous and wonderful things that He has done for me. To share Christ with others is to give freedom to others- freedom from hate, hostility, addictions (food), depression, and the list could be endless. Christ has the power to over come anything through us if we will but choose to allow Him to use us.

ah-ha!

The POWER written Oct. 6th, 2008

While walking along the Missouri River with my dog this afternoon I was in awe of the sense of power that surrounded me. The wind was blowing as the storm was brewing, the mighty currents of the river was pushing humongous logs around like toothpicks and the coal train was powering by with loud whistle and shaking of the rails as it strolled by. With the vastness of each of this phenomons it accured to me that perhaps that same power is leached in side of our minds. Our power to make choices are life changing as either of the things above that I discribed could change our lives.

My power for making those choices is guided by the Holy Spirit. Isn't it ironic that I have had that Power within me for going on 26 years and I am just now coming to this discovery.
God has given us the power to with stand the choices that do us harm, to make good choices that make us better people. It is not neccessarily about being skinny or athletic but doing what is right for ourselves; His creation.

God has been good to me and He continues to want to bless me. My obedience to His Spirit; my personal Power Source will encourage those blessings.

Have you got the Power? Let me tell you about it if you are interested!

do you remembering eating? writte Oct. 3, 2008

Kind of a bizzare question, isn't it? Today I finally had time to eat and I sat down at the table with my Deli-Creation and Baked chips. The radio wasn't on, the television was on either; there was no one to visit with, only myself! It was just me and my food! That really isn't like me- I'm not into this alone time nor having no sort of noise going on around me- I like the noise and the commotion!! However, I notice while I was eating that I was really tasting and appreciating what I was eating. I was able to just slow down and enjoy and not be all in a hurry or panicing because I was missing a show.

This event has caused me to ponder whether or not I remember eating. Do I get myself so caught up with other things going on that I'm not enjoying the food I do eat? This experment may have to be done again, because one deli creation, one bag of baked chips and a fiber one bar has totally feel me up. . . . . AND I remember eating all of it! ha!

control issues written sept 10, 2008

Food is an easy control issue for me- I want it, I can eat, I don't have to have boundaries because I am in control. Am I? Or is the food in control of me? Often times I have thought that my food obsession is due to the fact that I am a food addict, perhaps because I am. "Hi, my name is Allen and I am a compulsive overeater"!
Compulsive overeater’s have these trigger foods that will spawn them into a feeding Firenze like they are crazed! All is well in life until they surcome to the urge to pick up the wrong food- then they find themselves in a whirlwind eating anything in their path! My trigger foods- easy: raw sugar, chocolate, and breads. My inner-self will become a person that is unidentifiable to people me so well know. Moodiness, grumpiness, and hatefulness are at the forefront of the descriptive terms of me during this craze!
Why does a person do that? Why do they return to the things that put them in craze? It's called an addiction- compulsive overeating. Only through the grace of God can HE help me say no to the things that obsess me. I can't do it- it doesn't matter how much control I like to have the fact of the matter is food has control over me. Interesting that when I discovered that cigarettes had that control over me I was able, after the third time, to quit. I learned that I had to take control over the cigarettes and never let one pass over my lips again; not for a special time, not for my birthday, NOT NEVER! This is a control that needed to happen! Smoking is not essential to living- perhaps helps us die younger but not living! But food isn't so much that way; I have to continue to eat. Recently since starting this journey I have came to this point of reconciliation with food. I no longer hate food, but rather I understand what food isn't good for me. God has given us some awesome, non-processed food to eat on this earth!
As I sit down and enter my calories and my activity for the day I am overwhelmed by the amount of control that I have, with His help, over what I have eaten and the activity I have completed for the day! God has helped me to think about what I eat before I put it in my mouth- ‘why am I eating this’, ‘is this quality food’, ‘am I more thirsty or hungry?’ Processing what I'm about to eat is a huge battle that is becoming daily more a victory as I have been a compulsive eater for so long.
Life is becoming more serene thinking about it and enjoying the taste of good food and how it makes me feel after eating it; and I'm controlling it and not it me!

a day without breakfast written sept 9th 2008

I remember in the days of my 'didn't care about my health' days it was very normal for me to go without breaksfast; other than maybe a Pepsi! then I was became aware of my obesity- mainly by doctors calling me names like, MORBID OBESE, I started building my library of diet books. they all have theories and recommendation for their system of dieting to work FOR YOU! I've tried most of them and have some reasonable amount of success with most all of them but have always gotten bored with their way of doing things.

The one thing they ALL have in common tho is the mandate that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. No matter what, start eating as soon as you wake up. Certainly it makes sense that your body and metabolism has slept through the night and the only way to get either one a wake is to make it some some work- food to get the 'innards' working and exercise to get the muscles waken up.

It was a difficult concept for me. It made senses but you know when you get into to a habit, it's difficult to get out of it. My thin wife has been a living example for me for thirty years, she eats every morning, not a whole lot but regardless, something. She walks every morning also! hmmmmmmm, you'd think a big lug like me would take notice of the advantages of maybe putting that practise in play in my life! After all God gave me His best help mate in the world when He gave me her! Man, I love her!!!

Over the last two or three years i have started experiencing the benefits of breakfast eating and also making it a habit. The last week and half my daughter and I have now started working out in they gym doing a variety of exercises. This morning we had made an arrangement with our gym facility to do an assessment of our bodies! OH HOW HUMBLING! In the preprocess of the process we were to not eat or drink before coming to have our assessment done. Wow! once you get into that habit of grabbing something to eat first thing in the morning it's difficult not to go into auto pilot when you wake up and do the routine! WE MADE IT though- bad breath and all! ha! The information they shared with us was reallly interesting and I think helpful. It told us our resting metabolism rate, our lean body mass, our calorie needs to maintain and to lose, and many other things that are helpful. BUT THEN>>>>>>>

this is the rest of the story.. . . . .

Rachel and I went to play racquet ball. WHERE WAS OUR ENERGY! It wasn't there, we hadn't been able to refuel for the day before pressing our bodies to work. I felt like we were out of gas before we had ever started. After we pushed through the thirty minutes of raquetball, I went to the treadmill. Again, I was a zombie trying to do an exercise that I didn't have the energy to do.

The moral of the story for me is: We do need to get our metabolism moving in the morning BUT I can not do it with excerise alone, I must eat before exerising so that I can have the work out that I need to have to even further boost that metabolism!! They go hand in hand.

Just say YES to food in the morning! Have a great day!

stress........... and food! written sept 8th, 2008

I just caught myself reaching for food when job stress started this morning! hmmmm...... I've heard of stress eathing and I think I just had a ah-ha moment where I caught myself becoming a victim- the stress put on me isn't my problem to deal with; and why would i cheat myself by reaching for comfort food! Perhaps it is conflict resolver for me!! Maybe it's when I am confronted with conflict (which everyone does, every day of our lives) that I am guilty of grapping those un-needed calories. NOTE TO SELF- STOP IT!! ;-0

sunday/monday written sept 8th

I got up this evening before coming to work and weighed! Down 7 lbs! yea! I only have 15 more weeks of losing 7 lbs a week to be to a place I can maintain for the rest of my life! yea!~

Having an assortment of food is going to be important for me maintaining this for the rest of my life! If i get in a routine of eating the same foods over and over again I think that discourage my efforts.

church was wonderful today. I'm reminded that God is awesome for loving me for who I am; regardless of how I look. My losing weight don't have anything to do with gaining God's approval but rather it is everything to do with me discipling myself to having the most healthy body I can maintain for my Creator.

going to the gym this morning after I get off work. I will be starting my new running schedule so that I will be able to work up my stamina for running longer distances. running is a good time for me to talk to God also- it has been my experience in the past anyway and i look forward to that time again!

overnighters! written sept 7,08

Counting calories on the days I work nights have been confusing so I have decided that I need to keep count from 12a - 12a, the 24 hour period rather than trying to make regular daylight eating times.

I need to find out what time spinning class is on Saturdays at my new gym. If it would work out it would be good to be able to so spin after I get off at 11 on Saturday before going home to sleep. If they don't have spinning to match up I think some sort of working out would be good regardless. Usually I get up to go excerising and have never tried to before going to bed. I suppose motivating my self to get there on weekends will be difficult but something doable.

My weekend shift that I thought was coming to a close is looking like it may not happen, at least for now. I have confidence God will help me work it out, some how some way!

this next week I need to start doing set ups, push ups and some weight training! ugh! honestly, this is the one thing that a dread the most about 'getting into shape"! I hate sore muscles! ha!

blah friday, written sept. 5th, 08

I am expecting that my body is adjusting to having now raw sugar in it's system causing me to be in a state of 'blahness'! ha!

was glad to get the hot water heater fixed today, yea! I fix myself two eggs in a non-stick pan with one all beef hotdog and a slice of cheese it was very good. then i went to the gym and did the ellipitcal for 40 minutes with a 5 minute cool down!

i'm dreading going to work tonight just because i'm tired. i should go to be now but would like to mow the yard and then I'll be all hyped again! ugh! the yard may wait till monday.

had a power shake at the gym! great stuff. then had a salad as I'm beginning to have that 'backed up feeling"!

thursday, written sept 4th, 08

it's a blah day. i woke early this morning for no real reason but was sore all over. the exercise is probably catching up with me. rachel and i went to play raquetball- a good sweat! we had power drinks but the strawberry stunk- I'll stick with the chocolate,pb,banana- it is worth the extra 30 calories!

had yogurt before going to work out and then protein shake. i got a broiled chicken from sams' and had a breast for lunch with some left over corn. the corn calories isn't so bad but man the butter that is on it adds up quick for NOT a lot! NOTE to self! ha! Then I had an apple on the way in and a fiber bar.

I'm still in a funk and hope I pull out of it before the weekend.

what a day! written sept 3, 08

the water heater went out first thing this morning so decided to work on it and made a thousand (seemingly anyway) phone calls and finally found it was a faulty part and will be SHIPPED a new part that will fix it. . . . . in a day or two! ugh! I grab my gym clothes and ran out the door to get into my brother-in-laws van to meet them at the airport after my work out. When I got in the battery was dead and had to run over to my trunk, empty the stuff out of it and zoomed to the gym. I arrived there 10 minutes before the class started! Worked my buns hard- literally worked the buns!! ouch! tomorrow I will be crying the blues! Might be playing racquetball tomorrow!~

Had a protein shake at the gym that was excellent! dang it! it was chocolate powder(the first plus) then a powdered peanut butter that is called PB2, which was excellent with only 2g of fat verses the normal amount and then a half of a banana. Quite Good!!

I'm learning how to put stuff on my food list that isn't listed.

racquetball! written Sept 2, 08

What a kick!!! Rachel and I went to the gym today and played racquetball first thing this morning! it was excellent! I love to play! This morning when i woke I was unusually sore; I except it was from the swimming yesterday! It's nice to be able to feel the muscles aching again even though it isn't too comfortable it does remind me that I am alive!!!

Had yogurt before I went to the gym and then fixed a protein shake with a banana, a tablespoon of peanut butter and some coffee beans! it is certainly filling and satistfying!

I will be going to work this afternoon and evening the the challenges will come on. This morning I didn't talk to God about my eating but I am now reminded that I'm going to do that. This afternoon it will extremely important that I have HIM in the loop! I'll check in later to see how the day has gone!

This stinks! written Sept. 1, 08

Well, if nothing else , I have seen the harsh reality of the number of calories i consume!!

I am excited to start this journey but know that it will be difficult. This is a journey that I want Christ to help me with, I can't do it on my own. The issue of control is huge in my life and I need to let go and let Christ's influence help me.